I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
