You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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