do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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