In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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