I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
