I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
