If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
