I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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