you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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