Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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