the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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