Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize