so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
