That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
