Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
