their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
