I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
