I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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