Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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