Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're my little dorito
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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