you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
