she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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