My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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