Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
