"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
