He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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