He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
