she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
