When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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