Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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