i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
