Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
