I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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