i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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