Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
