i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
