so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
