why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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