I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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