Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
