listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
