You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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