Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
