I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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