Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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