i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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