I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This is the high leading the old right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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