I smell stomach acid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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