I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
