so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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