remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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