that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
