I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
