i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
