And the cops told us we were all naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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