In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
