when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
