So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
