Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
