so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
