Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
