remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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