if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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