took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
