there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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