Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
