Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
