I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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