You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
