dude i'm inner monologue high
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
