kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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