margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
