Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
