I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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