i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
