tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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