He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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