My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
